Capisci? Capisco! Bene.
“I am not a conjuror of cheap tricks! I’m trying to help you.” –Gandalf
No new Memo show tonight on KNYO or KMEC, but the rerun of last week’s, because of pesky internet problems at Juanita’s, where I’ll be for the next few days. I could explain the details, but what would be the point? Next week (2016-02-05) I’ll be doing the show from the normal place –KNYO’s storefront at 325 N. Franklin in Fort Bragg, next to the Tip Top bar, in case you want to come by then and just walk in and show off your musical chops or talk about your project or whatever, and that’ll give me two weeks to harass the communicatorium at Juanita’s so it’s reliable again.
Okay, I’m a compulsive ‘splainer; it’s that Juanita has DSL service through Sonic.net, but ATT maintains the lines and the cable, which have been fixed and then failed and fixed and failed again. They say it’s the rain, but it rains in South Korea more than it rains here, and even pet parakeets in Korea have rock-reliable gigabit internet. /Lithuania/ has fast reliable cheap internet. I don’t like anything about Comcast, and satellite internet service is nearly useless even when it’s working at its best, so the obvious choice is to get so-called Fusion service from Sonic, which provides both internet and phone under one surprisingly reduced bill, and free long distance, and they guarantee personal attention to a quick fix when something goes wrong, unlike when /I/ call ATT (and wade through the robot phone tree and the support woman on the phone says the problem is all over Northern California (really?) so they can get on it like next Saturday. (“That’s not acceptable. I need it for my work. Can you fix it by Friday?” and the woman says, “The earliest we can schedule service after Saturday is the following Monday. Do you want to reschedule?”) (What? No.) (And I get off the [staticky] phone, go to take the trash out, and there’s an ATT truck guy out there right now digging in the apartment block’s phone box to try to solve my next-door neighbor’s problem. I’m like, “While you’re right there, can you look at mine?” And he’s like, “No, but I don’t have to. This isn’t where the problem is.” And Juanita’s on break from work and she’s just walked up, and she says, “They told us last week that it’s in the cable.” And the man smiles sadly and says, “I know. I don’t have anything to do with that part of it. I’m the man who comes /here/.”) Well, I respect that. They also serve who come /here/.
Anyway, I could do the show tonight from Starbucks, I suppose, or from the McDonalds in Walmart, or from Juanita’s mother’s house– that might be a neat experiment– but no.
The service as it is at Juanita’s has become just bad enough to not at all be able to reliably stream audio out (by Net Uptime Monitor log, and by the orange failure light on the router, ten fails in less than half an hour, one of them almost two minutes long), but it’s been possible to use it in a herky-jerky fashion to assemble my show, and I have the usual amount of not-necessarily-radio-useful material left over, so here’s what I’m gonna do for you: here are links to several hours of rainy-day or rainy-night things to look at and play with and learn about, that I found mostly thanks to the fine websites listed to your right. Have fun and enjoy yourself, and I’ll get back to you next week.
A satisfying explanation of the main problem most people have with the speed of light. Don’t tell me you’ve never had a problem with the speed of light. I don’t believe you.
Who doesn’t like to watch horses running in slow motion?
…or watch an angry childish tantrum-thrower who has sworn on teevee to kill any officer who tries to arrest him fleeing at too high a speed to keep from crashing, then reaching twice for his gun when ordered to keep his hands in sight, then being killed with one shot, knowing that his disciples will claim that he was gunned down in cold blood peacefully surrendering with his hands up, so they can all continue to goad each other into stupidly vandalizing park buildings and call it patriotism? (I set the video to start where the relevant action starts.) (Careen, crash, suicide/martyrdom by cop.)
Speaking of which: A demented obese haka for ranchers’ rights.
How many mass-extinctions have there been?
Robot dino-porn came before tentacle porn. “Counterweights easily move to balance head when girl is seized.” “Sponge rubber teeth, lips, and tongue.”
What is your amateur porn telling employers about you?
Popular music on traditional East Asian instruments. This is a rapidly expanding genre, for good reason.
Light saber violin bows.
Why to be careful at the ocean. (I saw this in Lost Coast Outpost.)
This boy won a round of Guitar Hero, uploaded it. It was taken down for copyright violation (the music). Still, proud of his accomplishment, he dubbed his own bipping and humming instead. (Press CC to turn on the YouTube computer caption generator’s idea of what he’s saying.)
Peter Serafinowicz replaced Trump speech word for word but in a Cockney accent, and it turns him into an avuncular Brit gangleader-type standup comic. No more presidential but listenable and self-sarcastically funny and almost a sympathetic character.
The White Room.
The blue, red, yellow, white, orange, and green 17x17x17 Rubik’s cube.
Robot solves normal Rubic’s cube in 1 second.
“P.C. culture attacked me by pointing out how racist I am.”
Nancy Grace, the Torquemada of tertiary cable talk. “Actually, Nancy, we just– have to get to the weather.”
Prom photos from a far magicker world that we have lost and that is no more. On the other hand, when’s the last time you collapsed in a fit of coughing and wheezing because of the stench of hairspray? And, yes, that’s how you spell magicker.
The way the world looked in the 1970s…
…when children wrote letters like these to the future:
College can and should be free.
How we get wisdom.
Mend and make do.
Historically accurate Native American bathing suits.
The future of advertising: advertising in dreams.
A history of London made of paper.
What if Flint’s water problem happened to rich people?
End game: frustration and despair.
Old movie dance clips cut to Uptown Funk.
The slighly earlier similar project.
Dizzy from artisanal pot. Rather, vase.
Patient and steady improvements in the technology of fire.
A flashlight that shoots tanglefoot nets.
…which might also be useful against a pop star who is in denial about her Vole American status.
An interview with God.
Metachaos. (Disturbing, but definitely art.)
The true story of why you might have heard Andy Warhol referred to as Drella.
Traditional ceremony for a traditional wedding between a quietly astounded man and an at first crying then barking and shrieking woman. If the man hung on through this wedding, I think they have a chance. And if the woman isn’t participating in the haka, but rather trying to get them all to stop, then they /really/ have a chance, because it’s good to stick up for yourself.
Cheap webcam and baby monitor security is so bad, there’s a search engine for looking at random parking lots and lobbies and restrooms and babies’ bedrooms.
Sword of Damocles Estates. From the air.
An accurate summary of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, though in unnecessarily vertiginous animation.
The Arabesque spirograph of Earth and Venus.
Oh, it’s so on.
Stay cool, Bret. Bret, stay cool. (“I’ll bet you’ll regret you ever met Bret and the Tough Brets.”)
And a plateau of calm water-pump windmills. They’re made of sails.